Kirsten Linnabary's Portfolio

What specific experiences (honors or not) in the past year have had the most impact on your personal and professional trajectory? 

 
The biggest experience that has impacted my life this past year has been with the International Co-op Program (ICP). I have been in ICP since freshmen year, and through the program, I thought I was going to Germany for my double co-op rotation. 

In the fall after my summer German intensive class, I spent every free moment I had searching for any applying to various internships in Germany. I applied to over fifty internships, and while I waited to hear back about German jobs, I was turning down co-op jobs in the USA. I had been assured that I would get a job in Germany, and with the amount of time, money, and effort that I had put into finding a job in Germany, I was not ready to give up the program, not matter how great the job offer I received was.

Throughout the semester, I was continually in the “bird in my hand, and a bird in the bush” situation, and I always choose the bird in the bush, because I was putting so much effort into finding a job abroad, my friends were receiving jobs, and I had been assured that a job would come eventually. 

Well, at the end of January, the bird in the bush had still not been captured, with no real promise of a job in sight. I needed to take a co-op job, so I took a last-minute job in Northern New Jersey and dropped out of ICP. 

There are days when I am still not over the fact that I had spent the past three years of my life pursuing a goal that I never achieved, and the fact that I gave up such good job opportunities for something that never happened. At the beginning, I hated myself for both giving up and not giving up earlier. 

Now that it’s been a few months, my heart is scabbing over, and I am feeling better about the situation that I am in. Manhattan is four miles away from where I live, and I love New York City and New Jersey. The people here are incredibly nice, and I like living and working in a diverse setting. There is always something to do, and everyone has a good story to tell. 

From failing at getting a job and going to Germany through ICP, I have learned how to be kind to myself, and how to forgive myself for my mistakes. In the past, I always bottled up my disappointment, anger, and fear. Now that I am in New Jersey instead of Germany, I have decided to learn how to stop hating myself. Being angry at myself and my past will not get me to Germany, and I might as well be kind to myself and enjoy the ride that I am on, even though it might not be the ride I wanted. No matter how hard I try, I cannot control my future, and learning that fact and how to be forgiving and kind to myself has been the greatest success that I have had this past year. 

My professional trajectory has also evolved. When I was still in ICP, my plan was to enjoy that time in Germany doing anything, and then come back to the USA and get a job in Product Development at a medical device company. Now that I did not make it to Germany, that plan has changed. Not only because I did not make it to Germany, but also because it showed me how bad of a major I am in. I applied to over fifty internships, but I did not get a single one, because those companies preferred other engineering types, even for the biomedical engineering-related jobs. I somehow managed to pigeon-hole myself, and I am not even out of college.

Also, being so far away from Ohio and Cincinnati has given me a new perspective on my career and future. Much of the time, I  will go after a goal, not because I actually want it, but because I want to achieve what my peers are doing. I love to achieve. It's intoxicating. 

Being away from everyone has helped me space myself from the career-related pressures I felt in classes, and has helped me see that I might want other jobs than I thought before. And I still want to go abroad for an extended amount of time, because that goal has been a dream of mine since childhood. 

Therefore, I am thinking about going to graduate school abroad to get a Master’s of Science in some other engineering field, like mechanical, materials, human factor’s, or nano engineering. But first, I want to do more research about the majors I am thinking about choosing (and save more money) before getting my master’s degree. 

I want to stress that, even though I failed at doing ICP, life is not bad. 

In fact, it is quite the opposite. At work, many of my co-workers are immigrants, and the stories they share of their home countries reminds me how lucky I am to be in the situation that I am in. In this country, I can walk out on the streets at night and be safe. I do not have to bribe the government to get my passport processed. I can live where I want to live, and love who I want to love. 

In this country, I can try and fail at achieving my dreams, and still try again.

And for that, I am grateful.  

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Articulate specific personal and/or professional goals for the next year.

Some personal goals for next year are:

•  Spend as much time as possible with my friends and family

•  Set aside time each week to write and do other activities that I enjoy

• Travel throughout the USA (and abroad, if possible)
   

Some professional goals for next year are:

• Get a job in a product development, research, or process engineering role for after I graduate

• Do research about different engineering fields and graduate programs